Tell Mike His Sandwich Kicked Ass

So some poor bastard went without lunch today. How this could possibly be my fault is beyond me, just ask the Supreme Court. Here's what they'd tell you (and unanimously so): If you don't come pick up your sandwich after your name is called five times, it becomes a first-come, first-serve situation. Pure and simple Eminent Domain 101, for all the soon-to-be first-year law students out there.

Actually, that was meant mostly for Mike. See, he lost the opportunity to eat the Smith Point sandwich he ordered today from Jetties in Georgetown. You snooze, you lose. Sorry about that, Mikey. Maybe you should've taken care of #2 before you left the house.

Well, I'm just guessing that's what he was doing while the counter guy practically went hoarse calling after him to pick up his damn sandwich. Either that, or there's a secret glory hole in the men's bathroom at Jetties. The latter seems very doubtful.

I digress.

The Smith Point - presumably named after the beach comunity in Nantucket, and not the place in Georgetown where fratty-baggers and Sorority Sues try in vain to relive those salad days of college past - is a superlative sandwich. It consists of rare roast beef, havarti cheese, horseradish sour cream, red onion and tomato - all served up on pumpernickel bread.

There are many ways a sandwich like this could go wrong. Too much horseradish sour cream, too little rare roast beef, too many onions and stale bread are just some. No worry here, Jetties strikes a perfect balance with all the ingredients: just the right amount of horseradish sour cream, rare roast beef stacked high, just a few slices of the thin red onion and fresh bread.

Not too much of anything, and everything coming together in a harmonic medley of tasty goodness.

I'd say I'm feeling pretty sorry for Mike at this point, but hey, we're a country of laws not men, and rules are rules. Or something like that.

DC Grill - More Effin Wings

A friend got the FEAR yesterday and outright refused to take a short trip into NoVA and try a steak and cheese from Mario's, which help explains why the chicken wings at another DC hotel bar were made to slip on the open-back patient gown and subject themselves to an ass-puckering invasive examination.

What a douche!

Anyway, a silver-lining in the otherwise dark and swollen storm cloud raining down economic misfortune on...uh...I mean one of the good things that has come about as a result of these trying economic times in DC is the Hotel Bar Happy Hour prices concept. It has been put into practice in no less than three hotels within short walking distance of the home office.

Pool Bar at the Washington Plaza hotel has drink and appetizer specials, as does 14K in the Crowne Plaza Hotel and DC Grill, which is housed on the second floor of the Four Points Sheraton.

With perhaps the exception of 14K, not many locals are hip to this respite from the ordinary price-gouging techniques employed in the hospitality business. During the headier days of the recent past, any idea of discounting food and booze would've been met with Vincent Price-inspired cackling and a dismissive wave from the managing class stationed in these second-tier inns.

Which brings me back to the wing thing. Pool Bar wings have already been reviewed here. Last night was DC Grill's turn to have their take on the American bar food classic examined.

DC Grill's wings rank higher than those that were sampled at Pool Bar. It's a good, but not great wing. They are grilled for a short time before being served, for a nice charred taste and crispy consistency - definitely a point booster in my book. Also they're of decent size and supplied a healthy amount of flesh.

The wings were accompanied by neat and ample piles of celery and carrots, straddling either side of a small cup of blue cheese dressing. Often it's the case that celery is an afterthought, where usually no more than three sections from the worst part of the stalk are thrown on the plate. And carrots are not the default. Not so at DC Grill. Yeah, the wings are the star of the show, but they always benefit from having a solid supporting cast.

Now we come to the point of the review where we have to discuss the (relative) downside. For DC Grill's wings it's the sauce. Not that the sauce was bad, quite the contrary. Sauce was tasty, yet not for the extreme among us that live for a suicidal heat factor. There just wasn't enough of it. Maybe the point was to leave us wanting more. Success.

Next time a side of extra sauce will be in order.

Wings - Pool Bar

Pool Bar wings - sauce on the side, not on the wings. This is the only place I know of that does this as served, which is good because the eater can determine how much sauce he wants on the wings, not some lazy, drunken line cook. Served crisp, hot, and with hardly any celery. Whatever -- they're still good wings. MMMMMM....

Wings - Bobby Van's Grill

Yes those are Buffalo Wings as served up at Bobby Van's Grill, the more casual of the Bobby Van's Steakhouse restaurants. While appearing dry and undersauced, they were fine, although I do prefer a little more sauce. And none of those stupid "honey bbq" or "pineapple teriyaki" style wings, please -- real buffalo wings should be a basic vinegar-based hot sauce, preferably Frank's as these wings seemed to be, and some sort-of modifier. Though the wings were served hot, the buffalo coating was far from hot, probably intended to be the most crowd-pleasingly mild. One thing to note, and BVG's is far from the only restaurant that does this, is the lack of celery sticks. There are only four! C'mon people, four stalks of celery is not enough, and the blue cheese is half the wing experience.

Worst Burrito Ever? Probably.

What you see above – contrary to the resemblance – is not a giant flesh-eating beetle larva. Rather, it’s a burrito from Café Cantina on G Street. And it’s probably the worst burrito you’ll ever have. By the second bite, the structural integrity had been compromised, and the innards started to spill forth. It became apparent then that the cardboard-ish hot dog basket was a necessary accessory. I can’t be quite sure, but I may have tasted catsup...

Put 10 million Nebraskans of German/Scandinavian extraction in a room and let them have at it. They could come up with something closer to a burrito than whatever it was I force fed myself.

And why would anyone go to Café Cantina, which also houses the superior Pizza Pino? Because it would show their parents, that’s why. The other reason is that it would show those Café Cantina people to give up on burritos, tacos and anything suspected of not being pizza related, expand the pizza counter and change the name from Café Cantina to For D.C., This Is Darn Good Pizza.

Because, yeah, we know that the pizza in _______ (enter Brooklyn, Queens, Effin’ Jersey, Philly, New Haven) is much better than it is here. The jobs aren’t too bad, though, are they? Rust belt jack-offs.

Now all they have to do is read this review, and our wishes will be their command. Maybe not.

Jetties DC - Surfside

That fine looking sandwich was just purchased from the"Jetties" restaurant off Foxhall road, right in the middle of Foxhall village. Jetties has a reputation of making some of, if not THE, best sandwiches in DC -- I haven't had better. The above picture shows a "surfside," which is piled high with freshly carved turkey. All white meat turkey, still warm from the oven. Also hiding between those two crusty yet soft slices of sourdough is crisp bacon, ripe and rich avocado slices, a slice of havarti cheese, and whole grain mustard. Everything comes together into a well balanced combination which Jetties patrons have voted their favorite sandwich. These patrons range from pimple-faced Georgetown students blabbing away, to geriatric stalwarts of the neighborhood, quick to point out that your car is blocking "their" driveway.
Who cares about the crowd -- nobody does sandwiches better. A must eat.